Living in the Land of Motherhood.

I suppose some mothers just continue to be selfish.  Their kids learn to deal with it.  Life goes on for all parties involved.

I couldn’t do it though.  Yesterday I was faced with the excruciating decision to either do a play that I’ve always wanted to do (and will likely never get to do again) or stay home with Matilda.  Complicating matters:  Justin was cast in it already and no one was a real candidate to replace him.   On my side, however, there were droves of women who could play the parts I was up for.   I could take the role and hand-over Matilda to babysitters every night through April, knowing the chances of her getting hurt were slim to none.   I’d be doing a major role in a major play which would put a major check on my “must do” list.  I’d be working with Justin- something that will hardly be a regular opportunity.  OR I could stay home, watch Matilda, support Justin, man the cafe on show nights and watch the actors file in and out of the theatre, happy as clams at the opportunity they’d been given.

Needless to say, the whole situation made a mess of me.  I cried for 2 days straight and felt like vomiting the whole time.   (whiny bitch…)  Finally, I decided to be the mom.  She’ll never thank me for it.  She won’t even understand the impact on me.  But maybe I’ll see the results of my decision have a positive effect on her.

Either way, life will go on.

I was visited by a vulture and all I got…

Last night I arrived home to find a medium-sized vulture hanging out on the railing of my back deck. At first I thought I was seeing things; it blended perfectly into the night. Dagney, however, knew better. She immediately smelled the creature, trotting over and nudging it with her nose while I whisper-screamed “Dagney. DAGNEY! NO! COME HERE!! DAGNEY!!!!” She, of course, was not going anywhere until she learned who/what this mysterious guest was, and perhaps more importantly, if it tasted good.

Before she was able to get her first nibble, the bird spread its wings to a full 5+ft wing span and glided the 20-30 feet to the garage roof where it roosted for the rest of the evening. We were all able to get past the unexpected visitation except Dagney who was plagued by the knowledge that the thing was still in her backyard. What began at that moment was a marathon of whining and barking that lasted until 7am. It included her jumping on and off the bed about 50 times throughout the night and Justin swearing to kill her if the opportunity presented itself. Very little sleep was had by anyone last night…

This morning, I looked out the window to get a day-time glance of our visitor, but alas, it had flown away. All it left was a big pile of white shit running down the roof of the garage.

….guests….

Sweet Potato

Matilda is on day three of “The Great Sweet Potato Introduction of 2009!” She seems to be taking to them alright. She was racked with colic pains on day 2 but I think that’s because I’m an a-hole and ate lots of chocolate. Combine that with the fact that her teeny tiny system has never processed a “solid” before and you’ve got some bad gas and constipation pains…

Early evening yesterday, she finally passed what seemed to be pure sweet potato. Justin and I were bracing ourselves for a terribly, stinky load of poo but… nope. We’ve also added Gripe Water to her diet these last couple days. Knock on wood, she seems to be calming a bit. This morning she took to the sweet potato without too much fuss. Her facial expressions suggest that she thinks sweet potatoes are weird and a little yucky–in a “I must have MORE!” kind of way.

Next up is apples. I’m hoping to get a “Holy Moly that tastes GOOOOOOOOD!” expression on those….

Painting the week away…

I’ve spent most of my week fixing a mistake.

I’m pretty much in charge of the Front of House at Stage West. That means the gallery is my responsibility. As such, I took it upon myself to fill in the holes left over the last year by lots of paintings and other works of art.

It was a noble but tragic effort. The walls, briquette red, didn’t like the patch-up job and I was left with a 50×18ft wall with big, deep red splotches all over it. Horrible is a nice description for how it looked.

After a few hours at the local big box hardware store trying to find a solution, I was left with the fact that I had to paint the whole pooty-butt wall, starting with a primer no less. I began immediately as I don’t like to delay unpleasant work.

After 4 hours yesterday and another 3 today, I primed the wall. My boss suggested having the original painters come back and spray it to avoid roller marks. I was grateful…

Happily, Matilda took the whole process in stride. She played in her gym, napped, and practiced rolling. Sure she fussed a little but all in all she was a champ. It’s just another reason I’m thankful she’s my daughter.

Co-Sleeping, Breastfeeding, Me and My Family.

Happy Baby

I took Matilda to the pediatrician’s office for her 4-month vaccinations. Each trip of this sort includes 2-3 needles in my baby’s legs as well as a few pages for mama that discuss “Where your baby should be developmentally.”

Matilda took the shots like a champ. Mama read the article and almost panicked. It said that all babies should be sleeping in their own bed through the night without feeding. I immediately thought, “Oh no! Matilda nurses off and on throughout the night! Something must be wrong. We have to take immediate action!”

That night, under pressure from the article, Justin and I tried to put Matilda down on her own. (She usually sleeps with us.) She cried and cried and cried. We’ve been told that letting babies cry for 10 minutes or so is just fine though we rarely if ever allow it to happen.

10 minutes passed. We picked her up. Having spent the duration thinking things through, I announced that what we were doing just felt against my instincts as a mom. “Too much, too soon. We need to continue on as normal with me weaning her off the night time booby. Then we can progress from there.” He agreed.

That night was awful. Matilda woke up every time I tried to take my breast from her. She flailed, kicked and cried. Knowing that neither of us was in a position to handle the next day with zero sleep, I gave in to the little booby-monster.

The following morning as I looked at my little girl, I realized that she had grown an enormous amount over the week that had just passed. “Growth Spurt!,” I said out loud, “That’s why she’s sucking me dry day and night. That’s why she didn’t want to give up her booby last night.”

Justin agreed as well. “We shouldn’t be expecting her to sleep without food through the night until we start more solid meals.”

In short, we are two parents struggling through a big, hazy fog also known as Materialism in America. Of course parents aren’t encouraged to breast feed- formula makes money! Of course co-sleeping is vilified for contributing to SIDS (No evidence is given though)- cribs make money! LOTS of money!

For now, Matilda will continue to sleep between Papa and Mama with the option of nursing through the night as needed.

I found a great article (one of many) which backed me up:

The Benefits of Co-Sleeping

Lower your baby’s risk of stress disorders, SID and more by Jennifer Cobrun courtesy of The Compleat Mother

Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons and his colleagues recently presented the American Association for the Advancement of Science with research that suggests that babies who sleep alone are more susceptible to stress disorders.

Notre Dame anthropology professor and leading sleep researcher, James McKenna, has long held that babies who sleep with their mothers enjoy greater immunilogical benefits from breastfeeding because they nurse twice as frequently as their counterparts who sleep alone.

In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure parents can take to reduce the risk of this tragedy. McKenna’s research shows that babies who sleep with parents spend less time in Level III sleep, a state of deep sleep when the risk of apneas are increased. Further, co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns from their bunkmates.

Every scientific study of infant sleep confirms that babies benefits from co-sleeping. Not one shred of evidence exists to support the widely held notion that co-sleep is detrimental to the psychological or physical health of infants.

If science consistently provides evidence that the American social norm of isolating babies for sleep can have deleterious effects, why do we continue the 150-year crib culture in the United States? Why do parents flock to Toys R’ Us to purchase dolls that have heart beats, sing lullabies and snore when they can do the same for free?

McKenna suggests that there are several factors that maintain this cultural norm. Foremost is the American value of self-sufficiency. Independence is an important characteristic for a successful person in our society. We take great pride in watching our babies pick themselves up by their own bootie straps. But the assumption that co-sleeping inhibits independence is pure cultural mythology. In fact, the opposite it true.

Children who share sleep with their parents are actually more independent than their peers. They perform better in school, have higher self esteem, and fewer health problems. After all, who is more likely to be well-adjusted, the child who learns that his needs will be met, or the one who is left alone for long periods of time? McKenna suggests that it is confusing for a baby to receive cuddles during the day while also being taught that the same behavior is inappropriate at night.

The Commons report states that when babies are left alone to cry themselves to sleep, levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, are elevated. Commons suggests that the constant stimulation by cortisol in infancy causes physical changes in the brain. “It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness, and makes it harder to recover from illness,” he concludes.

The best-selling book on infant sleep is frighteningly misdirected and offers absolutely no scientific grounds for its thesis. Richard Ferber suggest that the best way to solve your child’s “sleep problems” is to isolate them in another room, shut the door, and let them cry for ten minutes without interruption. Then parents may enter the room and verbally soothe the baby, but are warned against making physical contact with their baby. Shortly after, they are advised to leave the infant to cry for another timed interval a la “Mad About You.”

Most sleep disorders are not biologically based, but rather, created by well-intended parents. Making oneself available by intercom is simply not meeting the nighttime needs of an infant.

Many parents argue that they tried “Ferberizing” their baby and enjoyed great success with the technique. Indeed, the infant may stop crying and learn to go to sleep on his own, but this is a short-term pay off for parents. The baby has not suddenly discovered quiet content. He simply is exhausted from his futile efforts to be nurtured. Fifteen years later, the same parents shrug their shoulders and wonder why their kids are shutting them out.

Though co-sleeping is common in most parts of the world, many American parents would not consider it because they fear it will cause them sleep deprivation. Every scientific study concludes that parents who bring their babies to bed sleep longer and better.

A few parents do experience difficulty sleeping with a baby in their bed. For them, a “sidecar” or bedside sleeper is an ideal way to meet their needs for rest and their baby’s need for co-sleep. Keeping a crib or bassinet in the parents’ room is another option. A “family bed” is not for everyone, but creative solutions for co-sleep are abundant in our consumer-friendly culture.

The most common question co-sleepers are asked is about maintaining a sexual relationship with one’s partner. The answer is simple. Go someplace where the baby is not. Enough said.

For those who consider unlimited access to their sexual partner more important than meeting the needs of their baby, cat ownership is a wonderful alternative to parenthood. You can just toss a bowl of Nine Lives on the floor and frolic around the house whenever the mood hits you.

Co-sleeping is not right for everyone. Heavy drinkers and drug addicts should avoid sleeping with their babies. Of course, these folks should probably avoid parenthood altogether.

If scientific research consistently demonstrates that co-sleeping offers tremendous benefits for babies and has no deleterious effects, it’s time Americans join the rest of the world and parent our babies 24 hours a day.

Jennifer Coburn
San Diego, California
USA

The last day of 2008.

2008 Family Photo on the stage at Stage West Theatre

2008 basically started with me pregnant.

2009 will begin with a 4 month old in my arms.

May it be a good year.

Anger Management

Since no one really reads this blog, it is going to serve as a place for me to vent my frustrations. At least for today.

Today is Christmas Eve. My sisters are in town and my parents are on the way. Everyone agreed to meet for Christmas in Texas this year on account of the birth of Mati-Lo-Flo.

Traditionally, it seems that my family has an explosive edge to it. There’s always some sort of drama, some sort of beef to be dealt with.

This morning, I threw gasoline on the fire. First of all, it was the morning. That’s bad in general because not everyone is a morning person. Second, it’s a small house.

So I’m sitting on the couch nursing Matilda. Jennifer is next to me. Robin comes up over my shoulder and mentions that she hears the washer going and may she use it next; she’s got a full load to take care of. With what I thought was a grin that would read as “I am 100% joking,” I said, “Sure, there’s a washateria right down the street!” …Of course, she took it wrong. I immediately said, “hey, hey, I’m just joking! You’ve already used the wash a couple times. Of course you can use it,” but it was too late.

So Robin got pissed. The problem was that she stayed pissed. Then I got pissed and stormed out for a walk. When I came back, she and Jen were all chummy by the computer. They were fixing Robin’s website. (This website had been a huge bone of contention– a big worry. Jen had made the whole thing many years ago for free. Robin wanted it wiped clean and re-done.) Ah the irony of seeing them sitting there, happily working away. Typical, really. When Robin and I are annoyed with each other, she and Jen are the best of buds. When Jen and Robin are pissed at each other, I’m the friend. It’s always consistent and rarely cool across the board. Tiresome.

So I left the house. No one was talking to me but Pat and Justin, though he slept through all of it.

I guess, in the end, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been sarcastic. I should have been sweet and gentle and giving. My sense of humor can get me into trouble.

Anyway, so now I’m up at work. Pity party. wah wah wah Maybe I’ll get something done. Maybe something will happy to quash my completely sour mood.

My First Blog

This little person is a great motivation for me to keep my own website.

Well, actually, I’ve written several blog posts but this will mark my first post on my very own website. For the past couple years, I’ve made my vlog/blog mark on both Facebook and Myspace. I hope to begin to use Daschly.com for all future posts. We’ll see how successful I am in the transfer! So far anyway, it looks like WordPress has provided me with an easy template that will motivate me to keep my website current and interesting.