A Random Trip to the Gas Station.
Matilda’s first voice.
I’ve spent the last 4 and a 1/2 months collecting Matilda’s voices. That is, at 5 months, when she really started to use a voice to communicate vs just a scream, I started to record her. Here’s the first one at 5 months. We were driving home from the theatre. We were in the Ford Ranger 2 seater truck so she was in the front seat (in her infant car seat) next to me. She’d been “talking” for several minutes, very quietly, as though she was telling me a private secret. The recording begins with me asking her to tell me that secret.
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New item on my blog and weaning.
Ever since Matilda was 5 months old, I decided that I wanted to try to catch all of her “voice-phases” on my iPhone Recorder Application. Little did I know I would, in my intended efforts, unintentionally record an hour and a half of Justin’s and my home time. The recording includes Justin’s rendition of “The Boogie-Woogie Monkey,” a laughing Matilda-goo, and us reading through a scene for the play I was preparing for- “Dead Man’s Cell Phone” by Sarah Ruhl. Here it is:
In other news, things are going well. The above mentioned play closed this past Sunday. The run went well. Audiences loved it. I loved it. The critics uniforming loved the performances and hated Sarah Ruhl’s play. Oh well.
While I was busy working on that show, Justin was busy at home with Matilda. He got her into a nighttime routine. Good man. Now, for over 2 months, she’s gotten used to a stroll at 6:30, dinner at 7:15, bathtime/clean-up time around 7:25, quiet play time/book time around 7:35 and “walk her to sleep while singing Rock-a-bye-baby” from 7:45 to 8. By god, it works. Tonight I completed the routine for the first time on my own.
Note to self: if I ever have another baby, I will not nurse him/her to sleep. It’s going to be a nightmare weaning Matilda because she falls asleep on the boob 90% of the time. Sometimes she’s desperate for sleep but only a boob will calm her down. I feel like a schmuck as a result. Don’t get me wrong, it’s sweet, nursing. I love the closeness, our bond, the sweet coos… And god knows allowing her to nurse-to-sleep provided TONS of extra sleep over the last 9 months. All of us slept better because of it. When the time comes to try to wean, though, the lack of sleep will catch up.
Clearish Foremilk.
AH Motherhood.
A first tonight: I was pumping milk while the goo slept and found that I was pumping a an almost clear/ lightly cloudy milk. I immediately jumped on the interwebs to find (or be reminded) of information about foremilk. From what I gathered, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just like skim milk. The best milk for babies is the hindmilk which is dense, rich and fatty. One post that I read suggested that women who live in a warm climate (such as myself) may tend to produce a decent amount of foremilk so as to hydrate baby more thoroughly. Interesting idea.
Matilda is amazing, btw. Truly the apple of Justin’s and my eye…eyes… eye… Hmm. I wonder how that works grammatically.
Tolls
It seems that Justin has accepted a role in another play. I don’t know why I am surprised. I’m really disappointed though. I feel like Matilda will basically have had to live her second 6 months with only a single parent around at one time. From February 15 to August 15 with little break, there will only be one of us with her at one time. No real family time. No real break. 26 weeks.
It’s starting to take its toll on me. I feel alone way too often. I feel like an after-thought. I know that it’s suddenly the most important thing for him- to perform in this next show – but a week ago he was screaming “i quit theatre” in my office at work.
Perhaps I am not supportive enough. My sweet girl in my arms 23-7 for 20 of 26 weeks is rough though. And I think he’s being uber selfish….
I guess some might say, “Dana, you should be more supportive! Do whatever you have to to help him succeed!” But don’t I? Off the top of my head I keep the house clean; I clean the litter boxes; I do the laundry; I pay the family bills and keep track of the household finances; I maintain a supply of the things the baby and the pets need; I keep the cars serviced; I keep up with the baby’s doctors visits and developmental needs; I keep a restaurant staffed, stocked and running; I do my office work; I produce and sometimes host thisweekinthearts.com; I try to do special little things for Justin; I try to meet his needs even when they do a 180;… all this while juggling a baby.
A I bitter? No…just…disappointed and feeling neglected. But I hate to cry neglect because he’s made himself so busy that when I yell out for help, it’s usually met with tired frustration. In turn, I ask less.
It’s been an amazing year…. but I’m ready for some companionship. Or at least some regular, genuine tenderness. And I’m not talking about the purchase of stuff… I’m talking about emotional tenderness; making the other person feel loved and taken care of. Little things mean a lot.
So that’s my rant. My one-handed typed rant. Why one handed? I’m holding the baby of course!
Filed under Life in General | Comment (0)Watching a play being cast…
I am about to do my first play in a year. I’ve been precast as Jean in “Dead Man’s Cell Phone” by Sarah Ruhl. Fabulous role amongst 5 other fabulous roles. Being in most every scene, I sat in on all of the auditions. I’ve just seen the initial callback list. 
…Interesting…
I can’t wait to see who gets cast! Right now I am looking at a list that signals about 5 different kinds of productions to me..
Filed under Life in General | Comment (0)Stress, stress… The final frontier?
Life seems to have jumped to a new level of stress. I think much of it is equated with a new period in my life: 30-somethingdom. Each day is a non-stop study in “how-to-get-through-to-the-end-of-the-day-without-half-assing-too-many-things.” Each day is about making sure Matilda is happy and cared for, making sure my job isn’t too roundly neglected, trying to keep the house clean and maintained, taking care of the dogs and kitties as best I can and…, after all that, making sure that Justin is set up with clean clothing and whatever else I can provide as he treks off for another 18 hour day. He ends up on the bottom a lot of the time because he’s the only one on the list that can take care of himself.
How I feel on most days.
The truth is, Justin and I have been living in an “every man for himself” type scenario. We are passing ships in the night, literally. It’s a destructive pattern that creates stress and tension. We both feel it. Matilda must as well. I can only hope it rolls off of her. I am painfully aware that everything, absolutely everything, is being absorbed into that little girl… Each time I get upset, I know that’s a bundle of negativity being sucked into her without any way to retrieve it. Some day when she is 20 and screaming at her mate or boss or whatever, she may step back and think, “why do I get so angry over such little things??” If I am still alive and well, I’m sure I’ll blame it on myself and these early years.
I don’t want stress to be the final frontier. It’s so easy to let that happen though. I think it’s why people say family/marriage takes work. Everyone in a successful situation says that. WORK. HARD WORK.
Today I pledge once again to take that deep breath and view said stressful situation from a far away perspective… outer space, maybe. I’ll examine it from afar and hopefully recognize that in the grand scheme of things, very little is as important as it might seem in the moment.
Filed under Life in General | Comment (0)Every busy mom should have one.
Justin and I recently indebted ourselves financially to Apple. We bought a couple MacBooks. Once they are paid off, I’ll still be in debt to Apple for creating the computer. I’m often stuck for hours, sitting, in once spot, generally with the use of only one hand. Thanks to my new, shiny, HIGHLY user-friendly, mobile computer, I’m at lest getting one or two things done..
Mama and The Goo
Wondering when my next real shower will be…
Funny thing about motherhood: everything is about someone else suddenly. My every waking (and sometimes sleeping) hour is now dictated by a tiny 6 month old little girl. I have to consider her before I do anything. Even things like taking a shower or changing clothes… those actions require me to first think, “ok.. What do I do with Matilda while I perform this action and how much time will I be allotted before I need to tend to her again and if she begins to fuss while I’m in the middle of said action, how will I get to a stopping point quickly enough to make sure she is all right?”
That’s my life now… at work, at home, shopping, at play… I’m not complaining. She’s the apple of my eye. I’m just simply wondering when my next real shower will be.
Matilda gets some teeth!
Physical Exhaustion
Worked my ass off this weekend. I seem to excel in spreading myself thin.
Now I’m sick and wondering how to keep Matilda from getting sick, too.
On another note, Valentine’s Day was a success at Stage West. Still hoping to receive my own teeny-tiny, non-material Valentine.
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