Tolls

It seems that Justin has accepted a role in another play.  I don’t know why I am surprised.   I’m really disappointed though.  I feel like Matilda will basically have had to live her second 6 months with only a single parent around at one time.  From February 15 to August 15 with little break, there will only be one of us with her at one time.  No real family time.  No real break.  26 weeks.

It’s starting to take its toll on me.  I feel alone way too often.  I feel like an after-thought.  I know that it’s suddenly the most important thing for him- to perform in this next show – but a week ago he was screaming “i quit theatre” in my office at work.

Perhaps I am not supportive enough.  My sweet girl in my arms 23-7 for 20 of 26 weeks is rough though.  And I think he’s being uber selfish….

I guess some might say, “Dana, you should be more supportive! Do whatever you have to to help him succeed!”  But don’t I?  Off the top of my head I keep the house clean; I clean the litter boxes; I do the laundry; I pay the family bills and keep track of the household finances; I maintain a supply of the things the baby and the pets need; I keep the cars serviced; I keep up with the baby’s doctors visits and developmental needs; I keep a restaurant staffed, stocked and running; I do my office work; I produce and sometimes host thisweekinthearts.com; I try to do special little things for Justin; I try to meet his needs even when they do a 180;… all this while juggling a baby.

A I bitter?  No…just…disappointed and feeling neglected.  But I hate to cry neglect because he’s made himself so busy that when I yell out for help, it’s usually met with tired frustration.  In turn, I ask less.

It’s been an amazing year…. but I’m ready for some companionship.  Or at least some regular, genuine tenderness.  And I’m not talking about the purchase of stuff… I’m talking about emotional tenderness; making the other person feel loved and taken care of.  Little things mean a lot.

So that’s my rant.  My one-handed typed rant.  Why one handed?  I’m holding the baby of course!

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